Kirk Cousins: Jesus says in Matthew 7 that when you build your house on the rock or on the sand, the storms are going to come to both houses. And so I truly believe that the adversity in life is going to happen. It’s a matter of which foundation that we built on.

Trusting The Father Who Will Always Be There: Kirk Cousins & Jay and Rae Anne Payleitner – Episode #360

Narrator: Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. Fathers can be quite the influence in our lives—sometimes positively, and sadly, sometimes negatively. No matter where we stand with our earthly fathers, we can know that we matter to God the Father. There’s a verse in 2 Corinthians 6:16 that contains this promise from God: “I will live in them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people…and I will be your father, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord God Almighty.” This promise is available to everyone who calls out to their Father God. 

This week’s guests were blessed to have loving relationships with their fathers, and in turn have become fathers who pray for their children, and teach them about the love of their heavenly Father. NFL quarterback Kirk Cousins shares about the challenges and triumphs of his NFL career, and also about the challenges and rewards of being a father—and how he prays for his children daily. Author Jay Payleitner and his daughter, Rae Anne, open up about how to navigate seasons of change in the father/daughter relationship to maintain a strong and loving bond over the years. 

Let’s start with Kirk’s story. 

Kirk: Hey, I’m Kirk Cousins, I play quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings in the NFL. I’m married to Julie. We’ve been married almost ten years now, and I have two boys, Cooper and Turner. Cooper’s going into kindergarten and Turner’s turning four. And we’ve got a great life. We enjoy being together as a family, and we’ll see how long this football career can last. But we’re enjoying it while we can do it. 

I grew up in the Chicago suburbs. I have an older brother—two years older—Kyle, and then a younger sister, Carolyn, two years younger. We all played a lot of sports, spent a lot of time together as a family. My dad coached many of our sports teams. And football was always my favorite, you know, played other sports through high school, played football, basketball, and baseball all four years of high school. But football was always my favorite, the one that I knew I wanted to play as long as I could. And I just had a natural ability to throw a football. 

I remember being out in the playground at recess, and most times when you play pickup football—which we did every day at recess—you try to rotate who the quarterback is, so that everybody gets a chance to play that position. But on our playground, our elementary school always just understood that Kirk’s going to be the quarterback because he throws the ball just a little bit differently than everybody else. So it was just a gift that I really can’t take credit for that I just always had. And I think as a result, that’s a big reason why I loved playing football, because it was something that just felt natural to me.

A Jesus Fan or a Jesus Follower?

When you’re a PK, as we call it—a pastor’s kid—you’re not going to make it too far in life without hearing the gospel and understanding what it means to accept Jesus into your life and to have His payment cover for your sins. And understanding the fact that you stand and fall short of the glory of God is a problem, and you’ve got to do something with that.

And so, you know, it’s six, seven, eight years old, somewhere in there, I remember my parents presented that to me. I remember praying the prayer to make Jesus the center of my life. But when you’re that young, there’s really only so much you can understand about what that means. And so as I grew older, you pick up more of what it looks like to actually walk with God. 

And I remember being sixteen, seventeen years old in high school, and a Bible teacher at my high school just pointed out the distinction between being a fan of Jesus and being a follower of Jesus, and that to truly be a disciple is defined as a fully devoted follower of Jesus, which would mean that even when it might cost you something, you’re still going to stand with Jesus, follow Him, obey Him, and trust Him. And that’s really what it means to build your life on His teachings and on His word and His truth. And so at that age, I made a decision, kind of drove a stake in the ground that even if it were to cost me something, even if it were to get difficult, even when it doesn’t feel like obeying Him is the right thing to do, I’m going to build my life on the gospel, on the truth of God’s Word. And I really tried to walk that ever since. Not perfectly, but that’s really been my commitment. 

God’s Bigger Than Your Circumstances

I remember my junior year of high school, it was my very first varsity football game I would get to play. Sort of a dream come true to be the quarterback for your high school in a varsity football game. And in the first quarter of that first game, I was hit on my left side and broke my ankle. 

And this junior season that I was so excited to get to play ended up crumbling right before my eyes, because my ankle was broken and I was going to have to sit out to let it heal. And I remember coming home from the doctor with a cast on my ankle and calling my dad to tell him that while it’s disappointing that I’m missing out on the memories from my junior season of high school football, even more disappointing is that now I won’t get to play major college football because you have to be recruited really during your junior season, especially when you weren’t pulled up to the varsity at a younger age. And so I’m at a dead end now, and my future beyond high school, I felt, was now being affected by this injury that really I didn’t have much control over. 

And I started to kind of have that victim mindset and start to get angry at God that He would allow it to go that way. And that’s when my dad reminded me of, again, the truth of God’s Word. And he brought up Proverbs 3:5-6, which say, “Trust the Lord with all your heart. Don’t lean on your understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your steps.” And so he said, “Even if football is not in the cards for you down the road, then you’ve got to trust God’s plan and He will direct your steps and you’ve got to obey and trust Him and believe that whatever it is is better than going and playing football. But on the flip side, maybe God is bigger than a broken ankle, and He can lead you still to where your dreams want to take you. And if He wants to do that in His plans, He’s much bigger than what your circumstances appear to be right now.”

And so again, I kind of made that commitment in that moment that, Okay, I’m going to trust Him, even though when I’m looking around, I don’t see a path. I’m going to still trust Him. And about a year and a half later, I signed a scholarship to attend Michigan State, which was my dream school and was the perfect fit. And God really steered the ship to get me there.

And I look back now and see that God is so much bigger than our circumstances, so much bigger than a broken ankle. What I thought was a dead end ended up being really a tremendous path that set me on a dream course to go where I was hoping to go. So I look back now and realize, Lord, you’ve got a plan. It’s not always going to be as straight and easy as I would like it to be, but I’ve got to trust you. I’ve got to obey.

“I look back now and see that God is so much bigger than our circumstances. What I thought was a dead end ended up being really a tremendous path that set me on a dream course to go where I was hoping to go. So I look back now and realize, Lord, you’ve got a plan. It’s not always going to be as straight and easy as I would like it to be, but I’ve got to trust you.” – Kirk Cousins

And that incident in high school with the broken ankle really was my first exposure to how important it is to let Him lead. I think there were so many blessings that came from that adversity. 

I’m looking back now—you’re talking seventeen years ago when I broke that ankle. So I’ve got seventeen years of a sample size to look back and say, “No, God still is bigger, I’m still playing football.” And so that certainly was one. 

The other way is I look back and I really can’t explain my journey apart from God. If I had been a big recruit and if I had stayed healthy in high school, I’d be able to point and explain on my own efforts why I made it to the next step and the next point in the journey. Whereas with the broken ankle, I can truly look back and say, “No, God was involved, because in my own understanding, I couldn’t have made it.” And so it had to be God’s hand leading my life, which is what it should all be about, that He gets the glory and not us.

“It had to be God’s hand leading my life, which is what it should all be about, that He gets the glory and not us.” – Kirk Cousins

An NFL Dream Realized

My third year at Michigan State—I was there for five seasons. My third season there was my first year starting for the team. At about halfway through that season, I was really struggling with the academic demands that come with wanting to excel in your schoolwork while also being a starting quarterback at a major Division One football program. And I talked to my quarterback coach about it and he wasn’t one to dole out compliments that were empty. You know, if he was complimenting me, it was because he really believed it. And he said, “Well, Kirk, I do think you need to factor in the chance to play professional football.” And when he told me that, I knew that he had seen a lot of good quarterbacks through the years and knew what it took. And he was telling me that because he thought I had the talent and the ability to someday play professional football.

So at that point, I started to really change from a dream to a goal. And then my final two years at Michigan State, we were able to stay healthy and win a lot of games and have enough success to be on the radar. And the fact that it was even a possibility that I was meeting with agents and thinking about getting drafted, I felt like I was just living a dream. And to this day, over a decade later, I still feel like I’m just living a dream. 

You know, we joke that NFL stands for “Not For Long.” And so these careers are very short. When you get into the league, every player makes it a goal to keep cleats on their feet as long as they can. And it takes a great deal of work and an effort to do that. So I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to make it as long as I have. And I know that there’s a lot more up ahead to go earn.

Building a Foundation in Sports and in Faith

Just like in construction, where you lay a foundation and you gradually build a building, much the same way for our football career; you’re just gradually putting in the work. You know, we go back to work in April, but we don’t play a game until September. And so from April through August, you realize nothing we’re doing is actually going to be tracked or remembered after this season is over. And yet we have to build a foundation and lay bricks so that come that first game in September, we can play at a very high level and we understand what that’s like as athletes. But I think it’s no different as a Christ follower, to just keep building a foundation and stacking up bricks on a day to day basis.

I think it is that daily walk. I don’t know that it’s any one day that you have this epiphany that suddenly changes your spiritual walk. I just think it is this accumulation, day after day after day, that you stack up of studying God’s Word and your time and prayer and relating to other believers where you keep stacking up those days. It becomes a very powerful thing over time. And certainly in the Jesus Calling book, which is a great resource as a devotional and as a quiet time, whether it’s early in the morning or late at night, just trying to start or end your day with a thought. I found that what’s so powerful about the Jesus Calling resources is that no matter what you’re walking through circumstantially that’s unique to you, so many times the message of that day’s word can apply to what you’re dealing with. It’s powerful the way that it can speak so specifically to people’s situations.

“I found that what’s so powerful about the Jesus Calling resources is that no matter what you’re walking through circumstantially that’s unique to you, so many times the message of that day’s word can apply to what you’re dealing with. It’s powerful the way that it can speak so specifically to people’s situations. “ – Kirk Cousins

Prepare to Give an Answer for the Hope that You Have

I found that in my football journey, whether it was at Michigan State or now in two separate teams in the NFL, I found that God has always provided a remnant of people that you can walk with who are also trying to follow God and walk with Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to influence their life. And it’s certainly not the majority of the locker room, but whether it’s a half dozen guys or so, I never have felt alone. And I think that’s been a gracious gift of God. I always feel like I’ve got somebody else in the locker room to do life with. And I think that community makes a meaningful difference.

And so in college, it was a group of guys, in Washington where I played for six years it was a group of guys. And then here in Minnesota, it’s a different group of guys, but it has been so important to have those people in addition to also having a team chaplain, where in every place I’ve had a team chaplain, which really becomes like a pastor for us as players because we play on Sundays, it’s more difficult for us to attend to a consistent Sunday church service during the football season. And so to have a chaplain and have that role so accessible to you as a player really meets that need of having a pastor in your life. 

I think it’s so important to shine your light every day. And so you want to live it out. You want to walk the walk. I think it starts there. And I think you want to build relationships and invest in people and you want them to know how much you care about them and you want them to be able to feel that. And so that’s really where it starts. And then certainly you want to be prepared, as the Bible says—be prepared to give an answer for the hope that you have. And so you want to know how to defend your faith, how to share your faith, so that when the opportunity does knock, you’re ready. And then in addition to that, you try to pray for those opportunities, because I find that God—when I pray for opportunities to share my faith—God answers and provides those opportunities. So between praying for it, being ready for it, and then trying to walk it out on a daily basis, I think it becomes a great opportunity to treat a locker room almost like a mission field, if you will.

“When I pray for opportunities to share my faith, God answers and provides those opportunities. So between praying for it, being ready for it, and then trying to walk it out on a daily basis, I think it becomes a great opportunity to treat a locker room almost like a mission field, if you will.” – Kirk Cousins

We started the Julie & Kirk Cousins Foundation several years ago, just as a giving vehicle for us to be able to park resources that we could then deploy from there. We certainly want our giving to be kingdom-focused. We want to, you know, do the work that God is doing and get behind where we feel He is moving. And so we’re very open to where He directs us. We pray about our giving and we want Him to show us how to use resources that He’s blessed us with that would provide an eternal return.

I think it’s important that you shine your light in such a way that other people would start to think about how they can be generous as well. And we feel God has been so generous to us. We want to reflect that not only in our own giving, but reflect that to other people as well. 

“I think it’s important that you shine your light in such a way that other people would start to think about how they can be generous as well.” – Kirk Cousins

The Role of Prayer in Kirk’s Life

Every week during the football season, we as players on the team begin Thursday workdays with a little prayer gathering. Pray about our day of work, pray about our season, pray about our organization, our team, our locker room, pray about our families, and really give it over to the Lord and then allow Him to work. And so that’s a real tangible way that we as a group of players on the football team see the benefits of prayer. 

But in my own life, it’s an absolute privilege to be a dad. Certainly a great deal of work. And my wife does a phenomenal job as a mother. But as I look around society and you see so many societal challenges and places where we are falling short, I tend to see a correlation between a lack of a dad’s involvement and then dysfunction in someone’s behavior. And so for me, I do think that dads being dads can and will make a meaningful difference not only in our own lives, in our own families, but at a societal level because of the massive role that dads play. And we can’t shrink back when it gets difficult or we feel like it’s tough to be that example. We have to lean in. We have to be the leaders that God calls us to be. 

One of my biggest prayers is that my boys would grow into the men that I want them to be, that they would remain close to each other, that they would walk with the Lord all their life, that they would understand what it means to trust and obey the Lord. And that God would direct their steps as He’s directed mine all my life. I’m so excited to follow them on that journey, to help guide them on that journey. But I certainly need God’s grace to be able to do that well. And it is absolutely a challenge to be a great dad. And I want to challenge other people to join me in wanting to be a great dad as well. 

Narrator: To keep up with Kirk and his football career, follow him on social media, and be sure to check out his foundation at www.kirkcousins.org. Stay tuned to Jay and Rae Anne Payleitner’s story after a brief message.

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When We’re Looking for Hope, Jesus Listens

Life can be overwhelming at times. Whether there are global issues that leave you feeling helpless or the day-to-day struggles that make you feel hopeless, God is still there for you—ready to hear your prayer at any time. 

That’s why Sarah Young wrote the book Jesus Listens. She wanted to deliver a message of peace, love, and hope to her readers every day. Jesus Listens is a 365-day prayer devotional with short, heartfelt prayers based on Scripture, written to deepen your relationship with God and change your heart. 

Learn more about Jesus Listens and download a free sample at www.jesuscalling.com/jesuslistens.   

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Our next guest is author Jay Payleitner, joined by his daughter and co-author Rae Anne Payleitner. Jay and Rae Anne share of their strong father-daughter relationship. 

Jay Payleitner: Well hey, I’m Jay Payleitner, and I’m a dad and a grandpa. I am an author of more than thirty books and also a national speaker.

Rae Anne Payleitner: And I’m Rae Anne Payleitner, in my day job, I’m an operational consultant helping small and medium-sized businesses better reach their goals. 

Jay: I married my high school sweetheart, and I met Rita in the library at Saint Charles High School. And we still live in Saint Charles. My kids went to the same school that I met my wife in, and here we are. We got married right out of college, ten months later—I’m not sure how that happened—we had a little boy, and then three more sons, we had four sons. It was an awesome existence raising these four little boys. And then a few years later came along Rae Anne, inspiring the book Girl Dad. 

Being Intentional With Your Kids

Rae Anne: Growing up in a large family with four older brothers can only be called one thing: lovable chaos. And that’s what it was. It was absolute chaos in our house at times. It was almost never silent. 

I feel very blessed that my dad was somehow able to manage to find time for each of us. I think it probably helped that his office was just about ten paces from the kitchen table when I was growing up. But even beyond that, we all knew that he would find the time for us. And I think that was the key. I honestly don’t know how he found the time for five of us every day, but he really did. I knew he was going to be at my softball games. I knew that he was going to be at my mock trial events. I knew that he would be across from me at the dinner table. And while I know that there’s a lot of dads that can’t necessarily make that promise because of life and work and things that get in the way, I think what’s important is not necessarily the minutes, though obviously that’s very important, but is that I knew that I was a priority for him and my brothers knew that as well. And even more so, we weren’t just a group to him. We were individuals. 

Jay: I need to warn all girl dads out there that, yeah, your little seven year old will sit on your lap. And you know what? All you gotta do is show up, and she will make time for you. You need to know that later on, when she’s in high school, you need to make time for her. You want to enter her world when you can and make sure that she feels comfortable entering your world. 

Rae Anne: And I believe that what was vital is that we found things that were just ours. We had a TV show that we would put on together. We would read books together. He would take time at bedtime for each of us, including me. And I just knew, even if those minutes only added up to a couple of hours in a week, I knew that I was special in his eyes. But my brothers also knew that. And so developing those relationships with us individually, it changed the course of our lives and ultimately is what allowed us to have friendships with him as adults.

Embracing Seasons of Change

Jay: There is the season when she is in early high school at fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, when she is trying to figure out who she is, her role as a woman. And she’s going to be pushing back and making space for herself. And you know what? You’ve got to give her space in this race, and she’ll come back because, again, if you keep loving her in the conversations, you keep pulling your back towards you, and it’ll all come full circle. So kind of expect your daughter to put some distance between you and her for a season. And that’s kind of good news because she has to figure it out for herself. 

Rae Anne: I think the key to all relationships that span the course of decades, which of course a father/daughter relationship will, is understanding that both people are going to evolve and change. And the key is to evolve together, to evolve and listen, and to keep those relationships alive as you evolve, and to embrace that you’re evolving. Because if you pay close enough attention, she will be one of the reasons that you evolve, and you will be one of the reasons that she evolves. And listen to her, because she has things to offer. And as you evolve together, your relationship will never be the same. Your relationship will constantly grow, constantly change as you become the different versions of yourself, and embrace that. Embrace that you are growing as a dad and as a man, and that your daughter is growing as a daughter and as a woman.

“I think the key to all relationships that span the course of decades, which of course a father daughter relationship will, is understanding that both people are going to evolve and change. And the key is to evolve together, and to embrace that you’re evolving.” – Rae Anne Payleitner  

Jay: And I tell you, every season of life, if you stay connected and commit to it, your relationship gets better and better.

Keeping the Faith Together

Jay: Of course, all the traditional methods for instilling faith in your family and your little girl work. And that would be making Sunday mornings a priority to get to church, and praying around the dinner table, and saying bedtime prayers, but it’s got to be so much more than that because that’s kind of on the surface stuff. If she’s going to really own her faith, own her relationship with Jesus, she has to make her own discoveries. 

And actually, you can also share your own doubts or frustrations. You come home from getting fired from a job, or getting frustrated at something, and going, Wow, why would God why would that allow this to happen? And then work through it, and so they see that you’re working through your own relationship with God. 

Rae Anne: I think the key to fostering your daughter’s faith is for you to embrace what your faith actually is. Because as Christians, we know that faith is not just singing Christmas hymns. It’s not just good times, it’s not just enjoyment and praise and everything like that. It comes with the very harsh reality of life. We are in a broken world and we are sinners and we fall short, and I think the greatest thing that my dad did for me was to not just exemplify the joy that comes from faith and from walking with Jesus, but to also exemplify the struggle that comes along with it. The fact is that we’re separated from God, that we don’t get to be in His presence as we were designed to be. And so showing that as a dad—showing that you make mistakes, showing how you ask for forgiveness, showing that when the world breaks you down, sometimes you have to fall to your knees and ask for help. I think that’s so important. For all those girl dads out there, it should be as if your faith runs through you like a thread through a needle, so that everything you do is stitched with it.

“It should be as if your faith runs through you like a thread through a needle, so that everything you do is stitched with it.” – Rae Anne Payleitner

Jay: She has to push through her own doubts. So I challenge you, girl dads, don’t put your faith in a box that you only bring out once in a while on Christmas and Easter and Sunday mornings. You have to have a faith that becomes part of your entire identity, who you are. 

You want your daughter to have her own faith, because she can’t get to heaven, she can’t be her best self, if she is piggybacking on your faith. She has to own her own faith. And so maybe that’s why I need to say to girl dads, even if you’re on different pages, which happens sometimes, you still want to be telling the same story. Ultimately, you have a world view or perspective on what really matters, and you’re pushing towards that happy ending that you can have together. Maybe one of the greatest lessons that I’ve learned is that gentlemen, you will always be her dad.

“You want your daughter to have her own faith, because she can’t get to heaven, she can’t be her best self, if she is piggybacking on your faith. She has to own her own faith.” – Jay Payleitner

Rae Anne: Something that I like to say is that oftentimes dads want to pour in advice to their daughter and give them all the answers. And sometimes that’s the right thing to do. But one of my biggest pieces of advice to girl dads out there is to listen. But I promise that if you listen long enough, your daughter will ask you what you think. If you just listen long enough, if you’re there and you listen long enough, your daughter will ask you what you think. And that same advice goes over the whole course of your relationship.

We all start off, the dad as the superhero and the daughter as that perfect little girl, but over time you transform and you grow and reality comes in, the world comes in, relationships, you evolve, and by the end of it, you’re not a superhero anymore and she’s not a perfect little girl anymore. But that’s okay, because superheroes and perfect little girls are boring and they don’t exist. Instead, you get to be real people who love each other in the midst of pain and support each other while enduring failure, and challenge each other while in conflict. But that also means that you get to rejoice in each other’s successes and thrive in each other’s company, and find comfort in each other’s friendships.

Rae Anne: Jesus Listens, February 10th:

Precious Jesus, 

Your Word assures me that in Your Presence there is fullness of Joy. As I rest in Your Presence—pondering who You are in all  Your Power and Glory—I rejoice in Your eternal commitment  to me. Neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate me from Your Love! My relationship with You has been secure ever since I trusted You as my all-sufficient  Savior. Help me remember that I am Your beloved child—this is my permanent identity. 

In Your cherished Name, 

Amen

Narrator: To learn more about Jay and Rae Anne Payleitner, pick up their new book Girl Dad at your favorite retailer, or follow them on social media. 

If you’d like to hear more stories about a parent’s prayer, check out our interview with Dionne Warwick and Damon Elliott.

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Next week: Alice Marie Johnson

Next time on the Jesus Calling Podcast, we’ll hear from minister Alice Marie Johnson, who lived a completely normal life until a financially tumultuous period left her with little options, and she turned to crime to pay off her debts. Finding herself behind bars, she then turned to God for help.

Alice Marie Johnson: Sometimes the answer may not come when you want it to come, but keep praying and keep believing and keep hoping. And I promise you, God, who has promised to never leave you nor forsake you, the same God who was with me and who is with me now, He is faithful. He is faithful to hear your prayers.