Bethany Joy Lenz: God is big enough to not be intimidated or afraid of your questions, your mess, that spaghetti bowl of confusion. God is big enough to untangle it and to speak to you in the midst of it and to guide you. As long as you are open to that, don’t be afraid. Just go. Just obey when you hear the call, and you’ll find your way. He’ll bring you in. 

Beyond the Breaking Point: Finding Your Way Back to Faith with Bethany Joy Lenz & JT Mestdagh – Episode #476

Narrator: Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. This week, we’ll hear from Bethany Joy Lenz, an actor, singer, director, and now author, who shares a deeply personal story of her time in a spiritually abusive community and the journey of healing and rediscovering faith that followed. 

Later in the episode, we’ll hear from speaker and non-profit founder JT Mestdagh. Born with a rare and complex condition that led to over a dozen major surgeries before the age of sixteen, JT’s life has been anything but ordinary. From long hospital stays to reaching the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro, he’s faced life’s toughest challenges with an optimism and heart for helping others. 

Let’s begin with Bethany’s story.  

Bethany Joy Lenz: Well, hello, friends. I am Bethany Joy Lenz. I’m an actor. You may know me best from One Tree Hill where I played Haley James Scott, the girl next door. I am now an author. I have a book that’s out called Dinner for Vampires. It is a memoir of a time when I experienced spiritual abuse and how that healing journey has been for m

The Art of Acting: A Lens to See The World

Growing up, I was an only child. I had two parents that loved me very much, although their marriage was quite tempestuous. I found theater to be a place that I really could escape. 

The early phase as an actor was full of wonder. I mean, when you’re a child, it’s the biggest playground you can imagine. Every room that you walk into, you’re just getting to play. It’s make believe, but it’s also improv, then someone’s giving you direction, and you get to take that direction and spin it into your own version of it. It was just endless fun, but it was more than that. It became the lens by which I looked at the world—and at myself. 

So as I grew in that way and then continued to grow as an artist, eventually we moved to New Jersey. My musical theater training was increasing. I was working with Richard Barrett, the director of the Brooklyn College of Opera, I was training vocally, while getting movies and sitcoms, and flying out to LA to screen test for things and shoot various sitcoms and stuff. So my acting career really took off and it was so exciting to see.

The Spiral of Spiritual Abuse

I was on Guiding Light for two years, and then I moved out to LA. While I was there, I also got [cast in] One Tree Hill. The community that I had started to become a part of was a group of young, professional actors that wanted to just meet together and do a Bible study. They met on Saturday nights in someone’s home. I thought, “Okay, that’s pretty normal. I’ve seen a lot of that in the modern evangelical church.” And it went really well for about a year. 

Six to eight months in, these leaders wanted to keep us in a place of submission and looked at us as children. We were treated as such, and it got to the place where the coercion was so intense that the subconscious awareness of what the consequences would be if we didn’t consult the leaders on every little detail of our lives—buying a car, moving apartments, having a baby. It took me a long time, and I didn’t start really realizing how unhealthy the situation was until I had my daughter. I refused to allow her to experience this, and that’s when I got out, got into therapy, and my whole relationship with the Lord completely shifted at that point.

Discerning Truth from Deception

Coming out of that environment was a real awakening. I was thirty, I had a baby, and I had no money. Everything had been embezzled by the group. All of those things combined with the ten years of experience that I had been coerced, manipulated, love bombed, gaslit, abused—and I finally broke. 

My certainty in who God was and the truth of Christ and the solidity of my faith was so unwavering for so long. It’s not that there were so many things I believed that were untrue—it’s that the foundation of it was performance, and I didn’t understand, truly, grace. I fundamentally believed—not in my head, but in my body and my heart—I believed that if I did all the right things, if I checked off everything on the Christian girl list, then God would be pleased with me, and I would have a good life.

“I fundamentally believed—not in my head, but in my body and my heart—that if I did all the right things, if I checked off everything on the Christian girl list, then God would be pleased with me, and I would have a good life.’ – Bethany Joy Lenz

And really, it was a totally false version of the gospel. It was the counterfeit which put me in the driver’s seat of earning my happy life that I thought God owed me. I went on this journey of reconstructing my faith and understanding who God is. 

Faith: The Assurance of Things Hoped For

It’s not, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen, [Hebrews 11:1-2]” like, oh well, you just have to have blind faith because you can’t see everything. No, you need your brain in order to have faith. God is so big. He’s not afraid of us thinking. And what I discovered in this journey was how often I thought, If I dissect it all, if I keep thinking, I’ll just think myself into a hole or I’ll think so hard that I don’t believe anymore. I was so afraid of hearing other perspectives, of exploring other faiths, of listening to a friend who was a completely different religion or life experience than me, and learning any little thing that I could. I was afraid to do that because I didn’t trust that if I kept thinking, I wouldn’t walk away from the Lord. And it’s totally the opposite. The more you think, the more you understand, the more Christianity makes sense out of everything else in the world. Out of all these other amazing pictures and pieces of who God is, Christianity really is the whole picture in a way that is I believe the most existentially satisfying, intellectually satisfying, emotionally satisfying, and spiritually satisfying. The more that I thought, the more solid my faith has become, and [I’m] excited for what the adventure is that’s around the corner.

“You need your brain in order to have faith. God is so big. He’s not afraid of us thinking. The more you think, the more you understand, the more Christianity makes sense out of everything else in the world.” – Bethany Joy Lenz

Jesus Calling was given to me by a friend, Jackie Granger, this wonderful mentor of mine.  

I loved it. I loved how simple it was to go through and read these little snippets that felt like, Oh, this is familiar. This is the way God talks to me, too. I love this. I would just take time to meditate on those, so I’ve always loved that book. I have a ton of different devotionals, and my daughter does as well. I’m not terribly consistent with it, but Jesus Calling has always been on my shelf. It’s always right there, and it’s something that I come back to consistently.

When you understand what you believe—when you think about it and you research it and you journal about it and you dissect it, the further you dissect it, the more intricate and fascinating it becomes. That intimacy is what will sustain you, and that intimacy is what will then bleed out of your life into the other people around you. I really believe that there’s nothing more important than understanding what you believe. It will affect everything else in your life. 

“When you understand what you believe—when you think about it and you research it and you journal about it and you dissect it, the further you dissect it, the more intricate and fascinating it becomes. That intimacy is what will sustain you, and that intimacy is what will then bleed out of your life into the other people around you.” – Bethany Joy Lenz 

I’m going to read a passage from Jesus Listens, July 1st: 

Infinitely wise God,

Help me to stay in communication with You through silent and spoken prayers—trusting in You with all my heart instead of leaning on my understanding. I don’t want to be stuck in a presumptuous posture of demanding to know why things happen as they do. I realize it’s much better to ask: “How do You want me to view this situation?” and “What do You want me to do right now?” Though I can’t change the past, I can start with the present moment and seek to find Your way forward. Lord, teach me to trust You one day at a time. Let me hear You whispering this precious assurance, “Do not fear; I will help You.”

In Your trustworthy Name, Jesus, 

Amen

Narrator: To learn more about Bethany Joy Lenz, visit www.bethanyjoylenz.org, and be sure to check out her new memoir, Dinner For Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show, at your favorite retailer.

Stay tuned to JT Mestdagh’s story after a brief message.

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JESUS CALLING: STORIES OF FAITH Returns for Season 4!

Hey everyone, this is Faith Broussard Cade, your host for the fourth season of Jesus Calling: Stories of Faith on UPTV. We’re so excited to bring you inspiring stories of people from all walks of life, who have turned to their faith in times of struggle, and in times of joy. We’re going to hear from some extraordinary guests this season, including Julie Chen Moonves, who you might know as the host of Big Brother. We’ll also be joined by NFL Hall of Famer Terry Bradshaw and Light Heavyweight Champion boxer Andre Ward, GRAMMY award winning gospel singer BeBe Winans, the world renowned Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli, and actress Taraji P. Henson, in addition to many others. And of course, you’ll get to hear more about me and my story, too. I can’t wait to see you there. Stay tuned for the new season coming soon on UPTV!  

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Our next guest is JT Mestdagh. Diagnosed at birth with a rare condition affecting multiple organ systems, JT endured years of surgeries, setbacks, and medical challenges. With a deep appreciation for community, adventure, and the power of vulnerability, JT continues to remind others that while not every day is easy, we can choose to see the good.

JT Mestdagh: Hi everyone. I’m JT Mestdagh, and I am an inspirational speaker. I also run a foundation to help children with colorectal issues as well as the education side of things with dyslexia. I just have a love and passion to give back and help others, and I’m excited to share a little bit of my story and how the Lord’s worked in my life.

Out of the Gate Facing an Uphill Battle

Growing up was a little different for me. I was born with a medical challenge called VACTERL syndrome, so at birth, my parents and the doctors didn’t know what to totally expect. With VACTERL syndrome, you have birth defects from GI issues—from my esophagus all the way to my lower GI. The system was compromised so I could not eat. There were no pathways to my stomach, and so that was taken care of right at birth. 

By the time I was sixteen years old, I had about sixteen major operations and then many more after that. Those surgeries consisted of fixing my GI system as well as what they call tethered spinal cord, which comes with the VACTERL syndrome. 

Being in a hospital as a youngster, you really learn so much. I’d be walking down the hallway with my dad after some of my surgeries down the hall, and I’d look in one room and that child wouldn’t be there anymore, and then in the next room, that child wouldn’t be there anymore either. The difference [being] one was discharged from the hospital and the other had passed away. And it really put life into perspective in just being able to help others. My parents and friends and family wanted me just to live life and enjoy life and go out and try new things. And that’s exactly what I did, and I got to experience so many great things.  

[Even] with the medical side of it being a challenge, I learned so much from that as well. I’ve been blessed with amazing surgeons and doctors along the way. It’s given me so many great experiences to go try new adventures. And throughout my life, adventure has become so important to me. 

You Can’t Get to the Summit Without Your Tribe

What helped me stay positive through all this was honestly my family and also my friends. I always talk about finding your tribe—the people around you that are going to support you and help you throughout those challenges. There were certain times in my life where teachers or doctors said, “JT, you won’t be able to do this” or “You won’t be able to achieve this.” What I’ve really found is that just separating from what they have said and going out and doing an adventure or being outdoors has given me that peace of mind to go and try new things and to reach my goals. 

“I always talk about finding your tribe—the people around you that are going to support you and help you throughout challenges.” – JT Mestdagh

I dreamed of all sorts of adventures. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro was an experience of a lifetime because I had never been away from a restroom for more than twenty-four hours in my entire life. We set out on this adventure, and a few days into it, my medical treatments were going great, but unfortunately I did get sick, and we were crossing this glacier section. Our guides looked at us and said, “There’s no turning around from this. We need to get to the summit and get down.” As my sickness progressed, our guides said, “JT, let us take your backpack.” I looked at them and said, “I came here with all my gear, and I want to finish this with all my gear.” But as it progressed, we realized that I needed to give up that backpack, and so I did just that. We pushed forward and got to the top. 

It was such a spiritual moment reaching that summit because if it wasn’t for the Good Lord putting these amazing people in my life to help me up to the top, I would have never been able to conquer this mountain. And I’ve seen that throughout my whole entire life. I look back at moments where the Good Lord has worked in my life—where the doors were closed and new doors were opened along the way—and it is totally Him working with me and through me.

“I look back at moments where the Good Lord has worked in my life—where the doors were closed and new doors were opened along the way—and it is totally Him working with me and through me.” – JT Mestdagh

Every Hard Day Prepares You for the Next

When I look back at my conversations with the Lord, my time with Him and speaking to Him has been some of the most encouraging moments and times that have gotten me back on track. It also reminds me of looking back when I was in the hospital and going through some of the toughest times of my life. One story that comes to mind is when a nurse came in trying to get blood from me and kept trying to poke me and she said, “You must be afraid.” I looked at her, and I said “No, I’m not afraid. The Good Lord tells me to not be afraid.” I think that those conversations with Jesus back then, and now today as well, have been the reason that I’ve gotten past some of the hardest times. 

“When I look back at my conversations with the Lord, my time with Him and speaking to Him has been some of the most encouraging moments and times that have gotten me back on track.” – JT Mestdagh

When I was in the hospital, my dad came into the room after one of my spinal cord surgeries and said “JT, I am so sorry for what you’re going through.” I looked at him, as a youngster, and I said, “Dad, it’s okay. There are no bad days. There’s only hard days, and we get through them with the Good Lord.” I believe those were not my words. They were the Good Lord speaking to me and sharing that with my dad to give my family comfort. I really feel that the Good Lord had put that upon me at a young age to want to give back and help others.

“There are no bad days. There’s only hard days, and we get through them with the Good Lord.” – JT Mestdagh

My foundation was started a few years back now, and it is all about helping others. I really wanted to help those with the same challenges as myself. We work with my doctors in the colorectal department, and they help get supplies that the foundation buys for these families and these children. For twenty-nine years of my life, the insurance companies haven’t covered these supplies. It’s been a huge challenge, but we’ve been able to help so many families and these kids have clean supplies. There comes a point where a family has to decide whether they’re going to be paying for their rent or if they’re going to be paying for new, clean supplies, and being able to help them through those moments has been a blessing. We also help out with Ronald McDonald House. We help with their night stay program to allow families to stay there while their children undergo medical treatment. 

Our second pillar is the education side of things, and with me being dyslexic, this is equally as important to me. With that, we really pushed this program called the Tattum reading program that has given me the ability to get past being a complete non-reader and share the gospel with those that we’re helping as well. It’s been such an encouraging project for me and something that I’ve enjoyed being able to do.  

Finding His Voice in the Stillness

It’s amazing how you can look back at and realize how the Lord has worked throughout your life. It starts with the Good Lord and being able to spend that time in prayer and also in reading of the Bible and in other contexts, too.

I was speaking at Children’s Hospital Colorado, and during that time that morning, I woke up and I was reading Jesus Calling. The message in Jesus Calling [April 29th] that day was just so impactful to me, and it said: 

Some of My most precious children have been laid aside in sickbeds or shut away in prisons. Others have voluntarily learned the discipline of spending time alone with Me. The secret of being thankful is learning to see everything from My perspective. My world is your classroom. My Word is a lamp to your feet and a light for your path.

I just believe that spoke to me at that moment as I was going across the street to speak to so many doctors, families, and patients. That was just one of those incredible moments that I felt that I was doing the right thing and really listening to what the Good Lord wanted me to do. 

Narrator: To learn more about JT Mestdagh, you may visit www.JTMestdagh.com, and be sure to check out his new book, No Bad Days: Turning Your Biggest Challenges into Your Greatest Opportunities, at your favorite retailer.

If you’d like to hear more stories about finding the strength to begin again, check out our interview with Amy Downs.

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Next week: Chrissy Metz

Next time on the Jesus Calling Podcast, Emmy award-winner Chrissy Metz, known for her role on the hit show This is Us, opens up about the struggle between ego and purpose in her career, sharing a deeply personal reflection on her desire to leave a positive impact rather than chase accolades.

Chrissy Metz: So many times, I’m like, “I wanna be on the cool, edgy show. I wanna get this nomination.” The ego is so loud, and I’m like, “Maybe that’s not what it’s about.” I want to leave my thumb print. Also, I want to leave a person, a situation… I want to leave something better than I found it. That’s the very, very, very important, overall idea in my life.