Choosing Jesus Privately
“Help me learn to rely on You more and more, especially when my private world feels unsteady. Instead of striving to regain control, I need to grip Your hand for support— living in conscious dependence on You.”
– Jesus Listens, October 20th
When Intimacy Becomes the Goal
There’s a moment in Exodus 33 that has changed the way I see everything. Moses is on Mount Sinai when God offers him an extraordinary deal: “Go to the land I promised. I’ll drive out your enemies. You’ll have success, inheritance, and safety… but I won’t go with you” (paraphrased from Exodus 33:1–3). And Moses says no. He tells God, “If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here” (Exodus 33:15 NIV). In other words, Moses would rather stay in the wilderness with God than walk into the promise without Him. That kind of hunger wrecked me. It made me ask: Am I satisfied with the benefits of Christianity, or am I desperate for Christ Himself? Do I want the “land,” the favor, the open doors… or do I want the presence?
The Hidden Place Still Matters
I’ve spent the last few years in full-time ministry—preaching, discipling, traveling, and doing outreach in slums and cities alike. And while those seasons were beautiful, I learned something the hard way: You can be around the things of God and still miss His heart. You can preach about Jesus and feel distant from Him at the same time. In our culture, even in the Church, we often equate spiritual success with being seen. Big crowds. Platforms. Movements. Recognition.
But Jesus didn’t die so we could build ministries—He died to bring us back into relationship. That means intimacy. Friendship. Face-to-face communion. Moses chose the cleft of the rock.
The quiet, hidden place where no one else could go. And it was there, in that secret place, that he saw the glory of God. There’s something sacred about choosing obscurity when the world offers influence. Not because influence is wrong—but because if it doesn’t come from a place of intimacy, it becomes hollow. God is still looking for people who want Him more than the outcomes. For believers who are willing to be hidden if it means being close.
The Crowds or the Cleft?
That’s the question I’ve had to ask myself again and again: Do I want the cleft, or the crowds? One will cost you image, comfort, and control—but it will lead to lasting fruit. The other might make you look successful, but will leave you dry. And the truth is, we all crave intimacy with God. We were wired for it. But we often settle for motion over encounter. We get caught in cycles of doing—Bible reading, church attendance, service—and miss the joy of simply being with Jesus. Intimacy with God is not about emotional moments or religious discipline. It’s about learning to recognize His voice in the quiet, to remain in Him when no one’s watching, and to let everything we do flow from that place.
Returning to Our First Love
In Revelation 2, Jesus says something sobering to the church in Ephesus. They were doctrinally sound, hard-working, persistent in trials—but He says: “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first” (Revelation 2:4 NIV). That verse has become a kind of internal compass for me. Because at the end of the day, I don’t want to be remembered for what I built. I want to be known in heaven as someone who chose Jesus—daily, privately, wholeheartedly.
He’s Still in the Secret Place
If you feel dry, distracted, or disconnected—God hasn’t moved. He’s still in the cleft of the rock, still waiting in the secret place for His sons and daughters to return. It doesn’t take a perfect prayer life. It doesn’t require hours of spiritual discipline. It starts with hunger—with saying, “Jesus, I miss You.” That’s all He needs.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kolby Alonzo is an emerging Christian leader from Franklin, Tennessee, with a deep commitment to spreading the Gospel and uplifting communities. He plays a crucial role in training individuals for local missions, equipping them with the skills and knowledge needed to make a meaningful impact in their communities. Kolby’s experience in international missions has allowed him to share the love of Jesus across different cultures and nations, and raise up missionaries from different backgrounds to go to the ends of the earth with the message of the Gospel. When he’s not writing, training others, or exploring new ministry opportunities, Kolby enjoys spending time with his family, and participating in various outdoor activities, specifically fishing and playing sports. His mission is to inspire others to live out their faith boldly and authentically, both locally and globally.
